Not Just for October: On Cancer, Honesty & Conversations We Avoid
Opening
I didn’t share my breast cancer journey to make an announcement.
And I didn’t share it because it was October and everything suddenly turned pink.
I shared it because I believe wellness must include truth — not just the gentle parts, not just the yoga mats and breathing exercises, but the quiet, uncomfortable realities we often keep hidden. If I speak about healing, but avoid naming the hardest parts of my own life, then something in my work stays incomplete.
When I Finally Shared
When I posted about my diagnosis, I expected a few kind messages. What I didn’t expect were the conversations that followed.
There were deeply sincere words — messages filled with warmth, prayer, and genuine care. And they meant a lot.
But there were also messages I didn’t know how to receive — messages from people who, at one point in life or work, made it clear they didn’t like me. People who kept a distance, who judged me harshly, who spoke to me with coldness — suddenly writing, “If you ever need someone, I’m here.”
And I want to be honest:
A part of me felt grateful.
Another part of me felt… confused, maybe even slightly annoyed.
Because it made me wonder:
Why is it that we only soften when illness enters the picture?
Why does it take a diagnosis for people to find gentleness?
What Illness Reveals About Us
Cancer doesn’t just change the person going through it.
It also changes how others look at that person.
Suddenly, people speak softer.
Suddenly, people remember to be kind.
Suddenly, people give space that never existed before.
And while kindness is always welcome, it also reveals something deeper about us as a society:
We are often kinder to people when we perceive them as fragile — but struggle to extend that same kindness when they are strong, vocal, or simply different from us.
For Me, Sharing Is Not About Pity
When someone shares about cancer, perimenopause, grief, or mental health — it is not always a request for attention.
Most of us just want honesty, understanding, and space to be seen without being reduced to a diagnosis.
For me, sharing is not about making cancer my identity.
It is about saying: Let’s start normalising real conversations.
Not just about cancer — but about menopause, aging, pain, recovery, fear, and healing. The things whispered about, but rarely spoken aloud.
Beyond the Pink Ribbon
The Pink Ribbon should not just be a marketing theme for October.
It should be a reminder that awareness is not seasonal.
That empathy should not wait for a crisis.
And that conversations about women’s health — in all its forms — deserve a place at the table, not just a campaign slot.
Final Reflection
So as we wear pink this month, maybe we can practice this —
To show kindness before life forces it out of us.
To speak gently even when no one looks fragile.
To hold space for conversations that matter, even when they feel uncomfortable.
Because awareness is not just about knowing.
It is about seeing each other — fully — long before the crisis.
Written by Esther Tang, Psychology-Informed Wellness Coach & Breast Cancer Warrior
HeartSpace Wellness
